Little Miss Average

Blood

Wed, 20 Jun 2007 12:45:55 +0200

The school rang this morning to ask me to pick up my son, as he was very pale and had fainted.

Apparently some other boys in his class were playing some stupid game and had cut themselves, so that there was blood all over the desk.

It's not the first time he's fainted at the sight of blood.

The school have now informed me that he needs counselling to deal with it.

Do you think that's necessary? I feel like a bad parent now for not considering that he needed counselling

Ah well he'll never be a Surgeon now!!!!

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I want.......

Tue, 19 Jun 2007 11:31:36 +0200

something "nice" to eat.

Why does "nice" always mean "naughty" though???

Or is that just me

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No I won't be leaving my hubby!!!!

Tue, 19 Jun 2007 10:52:56 +0200

I really should be posting this in my other blog, but as you know I'm banned from writing that one So some of you know what I'm talking about. Some of you will just think I'm mad (nothing new there though)

I've been married for 18 years on the 1st of July. I met my husband when I was 12 years old. We have been together since 1986 (when I was 15). I've been married for 18 years. We have two wonderful children and he is the love of my life.

So it really really pisses me off when people ask (not me directly, but friends of friends that hear about me) "Is she still with her husband then?", or "Is she going to go out and find someone else?". Now I know I've gone through a bit of a major change, but it hasn't changed my head or my heart. I'm still exactly the same person as I was (I just look a bit different )

My husband is as perfect as a husband can be. He loves me more than anything and would do anything for me. I'm spoilt rotten He works hard. My family love him. He's an excellent Dad.

So why do people think I'm so shallow that after all these years I would suddenly want to find someone else. Obviously they think that I stayed with him because no-one else would look at me !!!!

Not only that, but it is actually starting to get to my hubby as well. He knows I would never leave him, but it's not nice to hear people keep saying it!!

I'm really trying to think of a good answer to people that say that (other than something with a swear word in it of course!!!)

OK rant over.

p.s it might sound like I've had a sex change, but I haven't
If anyone is confused and you're on this friends list I'm happy to point you in the direction of my "other" blog. (as long as you keep my secret of course!!). Even though being as thick as I am I managed to post of photo of me yesterday and not make it a "friends post"!!!

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Getting Fit

Wed, 13 Jun 2007 16:51:23 +0200

Have been trying to get fit so decided to take my life in my hands and go jogging down the back lanes. Managed not to get run over , and only got hooted at once by 3 men in a truck Obviously the sight of my wobbly arse is very sexy

It was much better when I got onto the proper lane, where there's not much traffic or people (to look at my wobbly arse).

Feeling much fitter and healthier (yep cos one jog does that!!!) I decided to walk to the shops after seeing my morning clients. That was a big mistake. It was lovely when I went out, but by the time I got back I was absolutely soaked (that's even with using an umbrella). My jeans were soaked right up to my knees!!

Better luck tomorrow hey??

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Size Zero

Fri, 01 Jun 2007 09:52:05 +0200

I've found the answer. This is what all those skinny size zero's need.

Unfortunately I won't be needing it myself. I find a couple of vodkas at the weekend manages to do the same trick

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Bored Bored Bored

Thu, 31 May 2007 11:56:29 +0200

Children have gone out doing their own thing and left their old Mummy on her own.

I've got no more clients today (makes me sound like a call girl )

So I'm bored. Obviously I could find things to do, like clean the house, ironing, modules, but I don't want to " class="middle" border="0"> " class="middle" border="0">

I shall have to resort to stumbleupon and maybe talk to "clap friend" on MSN. That's if she's not chatting up someone she's met on a "dating" site and sitting naked on webcam (seriously!!!)

p.s don't all rush and email me for my friends MSN address

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Text Message

Thu, 31 May 2007 11:07:45 +0200

from one of my friends

"Hello only me ad my swab results bak! aint got the clap! Hooray, xx"

I have such classy friends

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Reasons

Wed, 30 May 2007 09:47:09 +0200

to give up drinking alcohol.

Hubby and I have decided that as we've lived in this village for 10 years and have never been to any of the pubs, we would try them out. It means that we can walk there and he can also have a drink.

Unfortunately I'm not very good with alcohol.

1. Decided to walk through graveyard and got scared by my own shadow cast onto the church walls.

2. Some of the cottages steps run parallel with the road and I almost carried on up them to someones front door. I told hubby it was ok as I knew them (total lie, have no idea why I said it!! )

3. Went to help myself to one of those solar lights from someones front garden to use as a torch " class="middle" border="0"> (hubby stopped me).

4. Ate my own body weight in food when I got home

*sigh* - think I'll stick to Coke Zero this week

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Neglecting My Blog

Wed, 23 May 2007 10:30:41 +0200

Although I do have a good reason

I have to finish 5 modules as part of my ongoing training for my job. I have 3 months to do them in, and as I am the "Queen of Procrastination" I've let a month slip by already

I've been quite good and nearly finished them, but as I pointed out to my hubby, the business module has bored my brains out of my head.

The cheeky bugger replied "Well that explains a lot"

Anyhow hope you are all ok and I shall be back to the important things - like blogging

Just off to catch up on all your blogs now.

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It could only happen to me.

Mon, 14 May 2007 11:18:58 +0200

Went round my sister on Saturday for a take-away and a small drink, which was very nice Got picked up at 11.30 -so not too late.

As we were driving down the lanes home I noticed someone standing at the side of the road sort of waving a light around.

I told Mr Bean that they were trying to flag cars down and perhaps there had been an accident. Being him, he didn't want to stop, but I couldn't carry on home thinking that someone was hurt (yes I know it was probably a dangerous thing to do). So he turned the car round, and its a good job we did. There was an Asian man and a Russian woman (sounds like a bad joke doesn't it??) standing at the side of the road. They both spoke very little English, but managed to tell us that they'd been forced off the road and their car was upside down in the very deep ditch at the side of the road. There have been so many accidents in that spot that there are actually crash barriers, but they'd managed to miss those and the telegraph pole and end up in the ditch.

He asked us to ring the police as he didn't know where they were, so we did and fortunatley they were with us in about 2 minutes. We had to think about where we were as its a long lane. We stayed with them so that the police would see our car and find them easier.

He was very grateful to us. He looked ok, but the girl didn't look too good. He did say to us "20-30 cars go by. Maybe they think I bad man cos I have a beard!"

What a shame - it just shows the world we live in when people have to think twice about stopping to help people. I dread to think how long they would have been there if we hadn't stopped.

So that was my good deed for the weekend

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Museum of Oddities

Fri, 11 May 2007 10:10:13 +0200

Whilst we were away for the weekend we took the boys to a Victorian Extravaganza in Llandudno for the day. One of the sideshows was a "Museum of Oddities". As I've always been fascinated by the old "freak" shows we decided to have a look. The "Museum of Oddities" consisted of a papier mache shrunken head, the worlds tiniest bible, alien twins in a jar (even I knew they weren't real ), a plastic "sewer" alligator and some other crap. No bearded ladies, no wolf boys, no elephant man
What a bloody disappointment. I've got more "oddities" in my house. For example Harry has a giant pork scratching that he keeps in a bag (yeah I have no idea why either!!), Jeff has a life-form growing in a mug in his bedroom and I'm sure there's something living under my bed
But nothing tops the day my Grandad took my Dad when he was a little boy. One of the sideshows was a "real live pixie". My Dad said it was just a little man sitting there with a pack of cigarettes next to him on a stool, who said to them "You've had a look - now bugger off!!" >" class="middle" border="0">

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What's it called...

Wed, 09 May 2007 08:57:30 +0200

.... when you do a stock take, and write it all down neatly on a piece of paper.

And then shred the bloody paper :XX" class="middle" border="0"> :XX" class="middle" border="0">

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I'm back

Tue, 08 May 2007 12:08:14 +0200

Well the Surprise 40th went well. Had a great night, but unfortunately managed to drink 6 glasses of wine I have no idea how that happened. I'm such a lightweight when it comes to drinking I was well away after 2.
Got home around 3pm (obviously I don't remember the journey back!!) and can vaguely remember making a soft cheese sandwich (yukkkk).
Managed to get up at 8am to go away for the weekend. Fortunately I'm one of those sickening people who never gets a hangover so felt fine and ready to go (bit tired though!!)
Had a good weekend. Weather was very good, although it wasn't supposed to be. Took Harry and his friend with us, so we were kept entertained all weekend. Mr Bean saw some "Night Vision" goggles on the market for £1 (they were a pair of blue glasses with a light on them!!), so bought some for the boys as a joke. We didn't imagine that they would actually wear them >" class="middle" border="0"> and not only that, but go out in the dark wearing them and looking for rabbits and pheasants to scare!!! Although they did nearly die of shock when they discovered some chavs sitting on the grass in the middle of the campsite watching them
Had a good weekend, ate too much but walked a lot.
Back to being good again. Got a busy day with work today.

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Lovely Day

Fri, 04 May 2007 09:01:04 +0200

Thought it was going to be a really bad day

Had an appointment at the hospital and when I got there they told me it was cancelled. Fortunatley after a bit of juggling about the consultant agreed to see me (it was an error on their part), although it was 2 hours later than my appointment time.

After that me and Mr Bean decided to take a walk in the sunshine, to the pub in our village and have something to eat. We sat outside in the beer garden with the sun shining on us, and it was very relaxing. He commented that it felt like we were on holiday. We then walked to the old-fashioned grocery shop and stocked up on loads of fruit (especiallly strawberries) and natural greek yoghurt. Came back home and sat in the garden for a while waiting for the children to get back home and then went on another walk.

All in all it turned out to be a lovely relaxing, peaceful day. Now it might not sound that exciting to some of you, but believe me it's something I could never have imagined doing a year ago

Got a surprise 40th birthday party for my friend tonight, so I'm currently cooking hundreds of sausage rolls and vol-au-vents and then we're off for the weekend tomorrow. Weather doesn't sound too good, but at least it's a break.

Have a good bank holiday

Lil

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Reflexology

Tue, 01 May 2007 13:39:42 +0200

One of my sisters friends is doing a reflexology course and needs some "case studies" to practice on. Being ever helpful (not just because I like being pampered!!) I volunteered.

So I've washed my feet and shaved my toes. Gosh I'm just so damn sexeeee

Dontcha wish your girfriend was hot like me??

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Oh Barnacles

Thu, 26 Apr 2007 08:59:30 +0200

My 7 year old niecey was playing on the PS2 yesterday and suddenly shouted "Oh Barnacles!!", I said "Why did you say that for?".

She turned and looked at me, obviously totally disgusted with my stupidity and said "Well it's better than saying bollocks isn't it?"

Well - that told me

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Everything is better now

Wed, 25 Apr 2007 10:31:50 +0200

My copy of "Good Food" Magazine has just come. (Obviously I never make anything out of it - it's only for the pictures).

But on the front cover there's a FREE bar of my favourite Lindt chocolate.

All is well in my world once again

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Is it the 13th Today

Wed, 25 Apr 2007 10:16:20 +0200

First of all there's a stupid bird behind the fire that's fallen down the chimney, driving me insane.

Secondly I've just fetched a product out for a client and it's exploded So I'm now covered in something lovely Rang up the order line to tell them one had exploded and another one was about to. Just managing to cover up her sniggers the woman said "put it in a bag quick, cos it stinks when it explodes".

Yes, yes it does - it's all over me :-[" class="middle" border="0">

But it's ok because they're going to send me 2 free ones!!!!!!

Should I go back to bed??

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Chocolate Cake

Tue, 24 Apr 2007 12:54:21 +0200

Ive bought my sister the most lovely chocolate cake for her birthday

A hand decorated chocolate sponge cake layered and covered with chocolate ganache topping. Decorated with milk chocolate curls. Finished with white and dark chocolate stars

I suppose it would be bad manners to have a slice before I take it round

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My Voice

Tue, 24 Apr 2007 10:57:34 +0200

Inside my head it sounds sexy and smooth and creamy (like melted chocolate). In reality it sounds like a bloody fart in a bucket.

I've spent half an hour recording my answermachine message. I've stood up. I've sat down. I've smiled. I've tried sounding chirpy, sexy, posh. But none of them work aaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrghh.

Help

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Accent Tourettes

Tue, 24 Apr 2007 09:18:50 +0200

I think this is an hereditary problem as Jeff also suffers from this.

Whenever we talk to someone with an accent we get the urge to start talking in that accent . Try as we might though, the odd word still comes out with the accent of that person, hence "Accent Tourettes"

I had an Irish client yesterday and tried very hard not to appear totally mad

Any known cures?? ops:

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Is it just me??

Mon, 23 Apr 2007 14:57:14 +0200

Or am I the only person that doesn't like looking through peepholes in doors, for fear someone's going to shoot my eye out with a gun??

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Ooh Sexy

Mon, 23 Apr 2007 10:02:05 +0200

Being a naughty sunworshipper I've been loving the sunshine and have been lazing about getting a tan So while we were out shopping yesterday I saw some Palmers "Body Gloss". With images of me looking tanned and glossy (sort of like J-Lo ), I bought some.

After having a bath last night I went down to join Mr Bean in the living room and rememberd the Body Gloss. There I sat, watching the telly, liberally rubbing it all over my legs, arms, cleavage etc, imagining how Mr Bean wouldn't be able to resist my lovely glossy body.

Unfortunately when he switched the lights on (we always watch TV in the dark),I looked like a body double for a bloody cyberman . It turned out that the "Body Gloss" wasn't just gloss, as I imagined it. It had silver particles in. Being me, and not one for doing things by halves, I'd slapped on tons of the stuff and turned myself silver (including the entire palms of my hands).

So the moral of this story is. When you're Little Miss Average, don't bother trying to picture yourself as a sex Goddess, because it's never gonna happen

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Welcome

Sun, 22 Apr 2007 20:55:37 +0200

Good evening and welcome to my new blog.

I've had a go at blogging in the past and had a few people reading , but I'm now on the "blog protection" programme and am back.

Obviously I shall have to change names to protect the innocent so from hereon in my family shall be known as:-

Me - Little Miss Average - Lil for short
Husband - Mr Bean
Eldest Son - Jeff
Youngest Son - Harry
Dad - Jim
Mum - Barbara
Youngest sister - Denise
Partner - Dave
Next Sister - Dolly
Partner - Del Boy

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