My 7 year old niecey was playing on the PS2 yesterday and suddenly shouted "Oh Barnacles!!", I said "Why did you say that for?".

She turned and looked at me, obviously totally disgusted with my stupidity and said "Well it's better than saying bollocks isn't it?"

Well - that told me

My copy of "Good Food" Magazine has just come. (Obviously I never make anything out of it - it's only for the pictures).

But on the front cover there's a FREE bar of my favourite Lindt chocolate.

All is well in my world once again

First of all there's a stupid bird behind the fire that's fallen down the chimney, driving me insane.

Secondly I've just fetched a product out for a client and it's exploded So I'm now covered in something lovely Rang up the order line to tell them one had exploded and another one was about to. Just managing to cover up her sniggers the woman said "put it in a bag quick, cos it stinks when it explodes".

Yes, yes it does - it's all over me

But it's ok because they're going to send me 2 free ones!!!!!!

Should I go back to bed??

Ive bought my sister the most lovely chocolate cake for her birthday

A hand decorated chocolate sponge cake layered and covered with chocolate ganache topping. Decorated with milk chocolate curls. Finished with white and dark chocolate stars

 I suppose it would be bad manners to have a slice before I take it round

Inside my head it sounds sexy and smooth and creamy (like melted chocolate). In reality it sounds like a bloody fart in a bucket.

I've spent half an hour recording my answermachine message. I've stood up. I've sat down. I've smiled. I've tried sounding chirpy, sexy, posh. But none of them work aaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrghh.

Help

I think this is an hereditary problem as Jeff also suffers from this.

Whenever we talk to someone with an accent we get the urge to start talking in that accent . Try as we might though, the odd word still comes out with the accent of that person, hence "Accent Tourettes"

I had an Irish client yesterday and tried very hard not to appear totally mad

Any known cures?? ops:

Or am I the only person that doesn't like looking through peepholes in doors, for fear someone's going to shoot my eye out with a gun??

Being a naughty sunworshipper I've been loving the sunshine and have been lazing about getting a tan So while we were out shopping yesterday I saw some Palmers "Body Gloss". With images of me looking tanned and glossy (sort of like J-Lo ), I bought some.

After having a bath last night I went down to join Mr Bean in the living room and rememberd the Body Gloss. There I sat, watching the telly, liberally rubbing it all over my legs, arms, cleavage etc, imagining how Mr Bean wouldn't be able to resist my lovely glossy body.

Unfortunately when he switched the lights on (we always watch TV in the dark),I looked like a body double for a bloody cyberman . It turned out that the "Body Gloss" wasn't just gloss, as I imagined it. It had silver particles in. Being me, and not one for doing things by halves, I'd slapped on tons of the stuff and turned myself silver (including the entire palms of my hands).

So the moral of this story is. When you're Little Miss Average, don't bother trying to picture yourself as a sex Goddess, because it's never gonna happen

Good evening and welcome to my new blog.

I've had a go at blogging in the past and had a few people reading , but I'm now on the "blog protection" programme and am back.

Obviously I shall have to change names to protect the innocent so from hereon in my family shall be known as:-

Me - Little Miss Average - Lil for short
Husband - Mr Bean
Eldest Son - Jeff
Youngest Son - Harry
Dad - Jim
Mum - Barbara
Youngest sister - Denise
Partner - Dave
Next Sister - Dolly
Partner - Del Boy